Monologues

  Some of My Favorite Quotes

--- Extended Dialogue & Monologues ---

The Rock

Radio: (Gunfire) “We can’t hold on much longer sir!” (gunfire/music/gunfire)

Radio: “General Hummel you’ve gotta get us outta here NOW!”

Voice of Hummel (Radio): “I won’t let you down. I won’t let you down, son.”

Radio: “Goddamnit sir! How long do we have to wait? I’ve lost 15 men already.”/“General, they’re lightin’ us up like a firestorm!”

Voice of Hummel (Radio): “This is General Hummel, you’ve gotta get my men outta there!”

Radio: “We don’t have clearance to go behind enemy lines sir!” (dramatic pause in the music)

Radio: “They’re not coming for us are they, sir?” (over-dramatic music kicks in)

Voice of Hummel: “Congressmen Weaver and esteemed members of the Special Armed Services committee. I come before you to protest a grave injustice.”

(16 gun salute)

Voice of Hummel: “It has to stop.”

(music dies down. Hummel stands before a grave: “His Wife” )

General Hummel: “I miss you so much. (places flowers) There’s something I’ve gotta do Barb. Something I couldn’t do while you were here. I tried. You know I tried everything. And I still don’t have their attention. Let’s hope this elevates their thinking. But whatever happens, please don’t think less of me.” (places a medal of honor on the gravestone, kisses it, and leaves)

General Hummel: Stand easy men. Make no mistake about it gentlemen. We are now in harm's way. For Major Baxter and I, this is the last campaign in a career dating back to Tet '68. Likewise for Captain Hendrix and Gunnery Sergeant Crisp who cut their teeth under my command in Desert Storm. Captain Frye, Captain Darrow, this is my first operational situation with you and your men, and I have to say thus far your conduct reflects your reputations.
We have achieved our position through poise, precision, and audacity. To this we must now add resolve. We'll be branded as traitors, the gravest capital crime, punishable by death. A couple hundred years ago, a few guys named Washington, Jefferson, and Adams were branded as traitors by the British. And now they're called patriots. In time so shall we.
God willing, in less than 48 hours you will evacuate this island in gunships under cover of hostages and VX gas warheads. Your destination: a non-extradition-treaty country. You will each be paid a fee of $1 million for services rendered. But you can never again set foot on your native soil. Can you live with that?  (“Yes Sir!”)
The men of Marine Force Recon are selected to carry out illegal operations throughout the world. When they don't come home their families are told fairytales about what happened to them and denied compensation. Well I have choked on these lies my entire career! Well, here and now the lies stop!
God be with all of you. Man your positions, men.

(Write up marriage proposal scene)

(Write up “It’s very very horrible sir. It’s one of the things we wish we could dis-invent. (dramatic pause) This isn’t a training exercise is it?” scene)

(Write up the interrogation room scene)

Goodspeed: Well, yeah, okay. That’s just about the most awful thing I’ve ever seen.

Goodspeed: Mason, (offers the rocket to Mason) The second you don’t respect this it kills you. Put it over there.

(the rocket is on the table, the foot is twitching)

Goodspeed: You’ve been around a lot of corpses. Is THAT normal?

Mason: What? The feet thing?

Goodspeed: Yeah, the feet thing.

Mason: Yeah, it happens.

Goodspeed: Well, I’m having kind of a hard time concentrating. Can you do something about it?

Mason: Like what? Kill him again?

Goodspeed: Listen, I’m just a biochemist. Most of the time I work in a glass jar and lead a very uneventful life. I drive a Volvo. A beige one, but what I’m dealing with here is one of the most deadly substances the earth has ever known so what do you say you cut me some friggin slack?

(opens the rocket, lifts the pearls)

Goodspeed: Really elegant string of pearls configuration. Unfortunately, incredibly unstable.

Mason: What exactly does this stuff do?

Goodspeed: If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out the entire city of people.

Mason: Really? And what happens if you drop one?

Goodspeed: Happily, it’ll just wipe out you and me.

Mason: How?

Goodspeed: It’s a cholinesterase inhibitor. It stops the brain from sending nerve messages down the spinal chord within thirty seconds. Any epidermal exposure or inhalation and you’ll know. A twinge in the small of your back… as the poison… seizes your nervous system. DO NOT MOVE THAT!!!  Your muscles freeze, you can’t breathe, you spasm so hard you break your own back ‘n’ spits your guts out, but that’s after your skin melts off.

Mason: Oh my god.

Goodspeed: I think we’d like God on our side at the moment, don’t you? … So what I’m doing now is removing the guidance system chips so the rocket will splash down after five hundred feet. Alright (softly) let me have that. You cant let go now—Alright just BACK AWAY! JUST BACK AWAY!

Mr. President: These past few hours have been the longest, darkest of my life. How does one weigh human life? One million civilians against 81 hostages. And in the middle, Frank Hummel. That we have ignored, abandoned, or marginalized a great soldier like Frank Hummel and that American boys have paid for that neglect in blood is equally real and equally tragic. We are at war with terror and fighting war means casualties. This is the worst call I’ve ever had to make. Air strike approved.

Broken Arrow

Deakins: You see what happened there? Huh?!

Hale: I’m pretty sure you hit me.

Deakins: No, I give you left! Left! You think I’m gonna give you another left and I gave you a right. (punches exchange) I’m just telling ya. I’m just telling ya that’s what boxing’s all about. Okay? You show your opponent one thing and you you *give* them something else.

That’s how Ali took the title from Foreman. He beat ‘im with a rope-a-dope. Don’t you remember?

Hale: I don’t remember what day of week it is.

Deakins: That’s right everyone thought Ali’s arms had run out. That he’s on empty. But he’s setting Foreman up. He’s letting burn himself out. And then in the eighth round he comes-- (punch)!  Poor George has got nothing left.

Pritchett: I’d like to remind you: there’s still two attack helicopters headed this way!

Merc: Not any more! They’ve just been recalled!

Deakins: You see mister Pritchett they believe they’ve got an exposed core. And that changes things remarkably. ‘Cuz you can’t just send people out to a… active radiation area, I mean, that… that just wouldn’t be right. First thing you do is you gotta take a picture from a satellite. Hell take takes about an hour and half just to change orbit. Then they gotta send in the nest. That’s the Nuclear Emergency Search Team. Closest one’s about two hours from here. So you see, by the time they find us. We’ll be gone! So relax.

Pritchett: You said you’d planned this thing carefully. How are we gonna move those things now?!

Deakins: Use the trucks that’s why they’re there.

Pritchett: The trucks now!  You listen, I’ve spent a lot of money under-riding this and frankly you’re beginning to shake my confidence.

Deakins: Hmm Hmm well yeah well I uh… I do appreciate the money that you and your associates have invested in this operation but uh it is an operation, it’s a military operation. And you don’t know dick about that. Now happen to have been in the military for 20 years. I planned a flew over 100 missions in the gulf. I put these boys together because they are motivated and they are highly trained like me. This is what I do, Mr Pritchett! And this is battle. And battle is a highly fluid situation. You. You plan on your contingencies and I have. You keep your initiative and I will, but you don’t do is share command. It’s *never* a *good* *idea*.

Pritchett: It’s still my money.

Deakins: Ha. And if we succeed, you and your friends will get a ton of it.

Pritchett: IF we’re successful?

Deakins: Look, Mr Pritchett, I will deliver the weapons to the destination, but I can’t depend and I can’t guarantee that those assholes in Washington won’t do something stupid like… not pay.

Pritchett: What if they don’t?

Deakins: Hehehe. Well… if they don’t, the southwest will be a quiet neighborhood for uh… about ten thousand years.

Deakins: Hey Hale! Nice move with the nukes. Shows initiative. Determination. Proud of ya! But I think I gave us all too much time. Thirty whole minutes, I don’t know. Shows a lack of total commitment. Don’t you think? So I took it down to thirteen.

Hale: I’ll be right back.

(gunfire, guy with grenade scene)

Deakins: Well, I gotta go. You two have a nice time down here. And uh… don’t forget to say ‘hi’ to Johnson for me.

Hale: Well I’ve got twenty bucks that says you’re gonna see him first.

Deakins: Really?

Hale: Yeah. You know I know what you’re up to. You’re gonna ransom Salt Lake City aren’t ya?

Deakins: Well why do you say that?

Hale: Saint Jude’s Hospital? You’re hide the warheads in the radiology department so they don’t show up in any satellite scans. Right?

Deakins: Huh. Well I’m impressed.

Hale: Thank you. So how much are you gonna ask for?

Deakins: LOTS! I’ve got a broker in Stockholm that’s gonna buy me five percent of Volvo. And for the rest of my years I’m gonna live off the dividends happy in the knowledge that I’m helping to make the safest automobiles in the world.

Hale: So that’s what this is all about, huh? The money?

Deakins: Hehe! Well… Yeah!

Hale: Bullshit.

Deakins: Well then you tell me why. Go ahead. You tell me why.

Hale: Because you’ve been passed over for promotion so many times you wanna show the bastards you’re right! I don’t know, maybe it’s uh… maybe it’s ‘cuz everyone else is cashing out, so why the hell not you. I don’t know, maybe maybe your mother dropped you on the head when you were a baby.  I mean, who the hell cares, Deak! I mean, there’s no difference between you and the guy who shoots up a school yard. You both have a head full of, uh … of bad wiring.

Deakins: What was that?

Hale: You’re fucked in the head Deak!

Deakins fires: HA!!!

Hale: I pissed him off.

Deakins: You just saved me 3 million dollars.  I owe you one.

Terry: Shoot yourself: we’ll call it square!

Deakins: Ooh! Attitude! (exhales) … Now where’s my buddy Hale? … He left you alone didn’t he. Well that’s his speed. 100% pussy.

Terry: He’s got more guts than you think.

Deakins: (laughs) But would he have enough guts to eat a bullet before he’d help someone vaporize a whole city? I think he’d fold. But not you. I think you’ve got more guts than he does. I think you’d eat a bullet. (glances at the nuke in front of the both of them)… Let’s find out!

Armageddon

President: I address you tonight, not as the President of the United States , not as the leader of the country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The bible calls this day 'Armageddon'. The end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge, every step of the ladder of science, every... adventurous reach into space, all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we have fought have provided us the tools to wage the terrible battle. Through all the chaos that is our history books, through all of the wrongs... and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times... there is one thing that has nourished our souls and elevated our species above its origin. And that is our courage. Tonight the hopes and dreams of an entire planet are focused on the fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. May we all see the events through with the dignity and perseverance worthy of such a challenge. Good night and Godspeed.

Terminator 2

(Sarah is watching herself interviewed on video while smoking a cigarette)
Sarah Connor: It's like a giant strobe light, burning right through my eyes, but somehow I can still see. Look, you know the dream's the same every night, why do I have to...(the doctor encourages her to continue) The children look like burnt paper, black, not moving. And then, the blast wave hits them and they fly apart like leaves...It's not a dream, you moron, it's real. I know the date it happens...on August 29th, 1997, (exploding with panicked hysterical rage) it's gonna feel pretty FUCKING REAL to you, too! Anybody not wearing two million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day, get it?!...You think you're safe and alive. You're already dead. Everybody, him, you, you're dead already. This whole place. Everything you see is gone. You're the one livin' in a FUCKING dream, Silverman! Because I know it happens. IT HAPPENS! (the video is paused on her angry hysterics)
Sarah: I feel much better now. Clearer.

Sarah: Watching John with the machine, it was suddenly so clear. The Terminator would never stop. It would never leave him. It would always be there. And it would never hurt him, never shout at him or get drunk and hit him, or say it couldn't spend time with him because it was too busy. And it would die to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only one who measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.

Team America

Gary: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks! And the Film Actors' Guild!.. are pussies. And Kim Jong Il!.. is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks!.. because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole... is a dick... with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn't appropriate, and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies... all covered in shit.

Scream

Randy: Wh-what did you say? That's why she always out smarted the killer in the big chase scene at the end. Only virgins can do that, don't you know the rules?
Stu: What rules?
Randy: Jesus Christ, You don't know the rules??
Stu: Have an aneurysm why don't you!
Randy: There are certain rules you must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance. Number one, you can never have sex. Big no-no, big no-no.
Stu: I'd be a dead man!
Randy: Sex equals death okay? Number two, you can never drink or do drugs. No sin factor. This is sin. It's an extension of number one. Number three, never never ever under any circumstances do you ever say I'll be right back cause you won't be back.
Stu: I'm getting another beer you want one?
Randy: Yeah sure.
Stu: I'll be right back!
All: Ooooo!!
Randy: You push the laws and you end up dead! I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife!

Jurassic Park

Ian Malcolm: Don’t you see the danger, John, in what you’re doing here? Genetic force is the most awesome power the planet’s ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that found his dad’s gun. I’ll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you’re using here. It didn’t acquire any discipline to attain it. You read what others have done and you took the next step. You didn’t earn the knowledge for yourself so therefore you don’t take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew it you had it. You patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunch box, and now your selling it! You wanna sell it! Well, your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could they didn’t stop if they should. No, hold on John, this is not an animal wiped out by deforestation or the building of a dam. Dinosaurs had their shot and nature selected them for extinction.

Hammond: Do you know the first attraction I ever built when I first came here from Scotland ? It was a flea circus... Petticoat Lane . (beat) It was quite spectacular. Spared no expense. There was a miniature merry-go-round and a wee trapeze and a car-carousel... and a see-saw. (long pause) They all moved, motorized of course, but people would say they could see the fleas. "Oh, I can see the fleas, mummy, can't you see the fleas?" (beat) Clown fleas and high-wire fleas and fleas on parade. (long pause) But this place..... I wanted to show them something they could see... and touch. (beat) Not just devoid of merit.
Ellie: Yeah, but you can't think through this one, John. You have to feel it.
Hammond: You're right. You're absolutely right. Hiring Nedry was a mistake, that's obvious. We're far too over-dependant on automation. Now next time, everything's correct, everything's perfect. Next time it'll be flawless.
Ellie: But still the flea circus, John. It's all an illusion --
Hammond: When we have control --
Ellie: You never had control, that's the illusion! I mean, I was overwhelmed by the power of this place! But I made a mistake too. I didn't have enough respect for that power and it's out now. The only thing that matters now are the people we love. Alan and Lex and Tim; John, they're out there where people are dying. So...
(Ellie takes a spoonful of the melting ice cream.)
Ellie: It's good.
Hammond: Spared no expense.

The Matrix

(Agent Smith is staring out the window)

Agent Smith: Have you ever stood and stared at it? Marveled at its beauty... its genius? Billions of people just living out their lives...oblivious. (He turns around to face Morpheus, walking slowly towards him) Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world where none suffered, where everyone would be happy? It was a disaster. No one would accept the program, entire crops were lost. Some believed that we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world, but I believe that as a species that human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. So the perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this, the peak of your civilization. I say "your civilization" because as soon as we started thinking for you, it really became our civilization which is, of course what this is all about. (Agent Smith circles behind Morpheus) Evolution, Morpheus. Evolution. Like the dinosaur. (he leans forward next to Morpheus) Look out that window. You had your time. This future is our world, Morpheus. The future is our time.

(…)

(Agent Smith sits casually across from Morpheus who is hunched over, his body leaking and twitching.)
Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I've realized that you are not actually mammals. (smiles) Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment. But you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. (he leans forward) There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague. And we are... the cure.

(…)

(Agent Smith leans close to Morpheus, whispering to him.)

Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you. (He removes his ever-present sunglasses and earphone, letting it dangle over his shoulder--breaking himself off from the rest of the Agent collective.) I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell! If there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it.
(He wipes sweat from Morpheus' forehead, coating the tips of his fingers, holding them to Morpheus' nose.)
Repulsive, isn't it? (he lifts Morpheus' head, holding it tightly with both hands)
I must get out of here, I must get free. In this mind is the key. My key. Once Zion is destroyed, there is no need for me to be here. Do you understand? I need the codes. I have to get inside Zion . And you have to tell me how. You're going to tell me...or you're going to die.

Equilibrium

( Preston slides the vial of Prosium across the table, the girl grabs it))

Preston: What’s your name?

Mary: O’Brien, Mary.

Preston: Well, Mary, you can either wait until the technicians at the palace of justice, or you can tell me now. Who are your friends?

Mary: I’m wondering if you have any idea at all what that word means.  Friend.

Preston: There’s nothing you don’t feel? … How about guilt?

Mary: Let me ask you something. (pushes vile across table, and grabs Preston ’s hand as he reaches for it) Why are you alive?!

(it takes him a moment, but Preston pulls free of her grasp; he thinks about it)

Preston: I’m alive… I live… to safeguard the continuity of this great society. To serve Libria.

Mary: It’s circular. You exist to continue your own existence. What’s the point.

Preston: What’s the point of your existence?

Mary: (quickly) To feel. ‘Cause you’ve never done it, you can never know it, but it’s as vital as breath. And without it, without love, without anger, without sorrow, breath is just a clock ticking.

Preston: (shaking his head, giving up on her) Then… I have no choice but to remand you to the palace of justice for processing.

Mary: (smiles) Processing. (leans back in chair) You mean execution, don’t you?

Preston: (assuring her) Processing.

Dr Stranglelove

President Merkin Muffley: [to Kissoff] Hello? ... Ah ... I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? ... Oh-ho, that's much better. ... yeah ... huh ... yes ... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri. ... Clear and plain and coming through fine....I'm coming through fine, too, eh? ... Good, then ... well, then, as you say, we're both coming through fine. ... Good. ... Well, it's good that you're fine and ... and I'm fine. ... I agree with you, it's great to be fine. ... a-ha-ha-ha-ha ... Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb. ...The *Bomb*, Dmitri.... The *hydrogen* bomb! ... Well now, what happened is ... ah ... one of our base commanders, he had a sort of ... well, he went a little funny in the head ... you know ... just a little ... funny. And, ah ... he went and did a silly thing. ... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes ... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri. ... Let me finish, Dmitri. ... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?! ...Can you *imagine* how I feel about it, Dmitri? ... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? ... *Of course* I like to speak to you! ... *Of course* I like to say hello! ... Not now, but anytime, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened... It's a *friendly* call. Of course it's a friendly call. ... Listen, if it wasn't friendly ... you probably wouldn't have even got it. ... They will *not* reach their targets for at least another hour. ... I am ... I am positive, Dmitri. ... Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick. ... Well, I'll tell you. We'd like to give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes. ... Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we're unable to recall the planes, then ... I'd say that, ah ... well, ah ... we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dmitri. ... I know they're our boys. ... All right, well listen now. Who should we call? ...*Who* should we call, Dmitri? The ... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you faded away there.... The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. ... Where is that, Dmitri? ... In Omsk . ... Right. ... Yes. ...Oh, you'll call them first, will you? ... Uh-hu ... Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dmitri? ... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Omsk information. ...Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm ... I'm sorry, too, Dmitri. ...I'm very sorry. ... *All right*, you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well. ... I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are. ... So we're �both sorry, all right?! ... All right.

President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers): But this is absolute madness, Ambassador! Why should you build such a thing?
Ambassador de Sadesky: There were those of us who fought against it, but in the end we could not keep up with the expense involved in [listed with increasing disgust] the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. At the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we had been spending on defense in a single year. The deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a doomsday gap.
President Merkin Muffley: This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything like that.
Ambassador de Sadesky: Our source was the New York Times.

President Muffley (Peter Sellers also): You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years?
Dr.Strangelove: It would not be difficult mein Fuhrer! Nuclear reactors could, heh... I'm sorry. Mr. President. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plantlife. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country. But I would guess... that ah, dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided.
Muffley: Well I... I would hate to have to decide.. who stays up and.. who goes down.
Dr.Strangelove: Well, that would not be necessary Mr. President. It could easily be accomplished with a computer. And a computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility, intelligence, and a cross section of necessary skills. Of course it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition.
His left hand slams down, and right arm rises in Nazi salute
Dr.Strangelove: Arghh! [Attempts to restrain arm] Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? There would be much time, and little to do. But ah with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say, ten females to each male, I would guess that they could then work their way back to the present gross national product within say, twenty years.

Muffley: But look here doctor, wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd, well, envy the dead and not want to go on living?
Strangelove: No sir... [right arm rolls his wheelchair backwards.] Excuse me. [struggles with wayward right arm, ultimately subduing it with a beating from his left.] Also when... when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive. There would be no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! Ahhhh! [Right hand reflexes into Nazi salute. He pulls it back into his lap and beats it again. Gloved hand attempts to strangle him.]
Turgidson (George C. Scott): Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Strangelove: Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
DeSadeski: I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
Strangelove: Thank you, sir.

TF2 – Meet the Engineer

Just the words:

Hey look buddy, I’m an engineer. That means I solve problems. Not problems like “what is beauty?” because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. …

I solve practical problems. … For instance, “how am I gonna stop some big mean mother-Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?” …

The answer? … Use a gun. … And if that don’t work, … use more gun. …

Like this heavy caliber tripod-mounted little old number designed by me, …

built by me, … and you best hope … not pointed at you.

With (inter)actions:

Hey look buddy, I’m an engineer. That means I solve problems. Not problems like “what is beauty?” because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. (stops playing guitar – no emphasis on this action) I solve practical problems.

(grabs a beer, gunfire, and a dying scream, continues guitar).

For instance, “how am I gonna stop some big mean mother-Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?” (gunfire and a dying scream)

The answer? (gunfire and a long dying scream)

Use a gun. (gunfire and a dying scream)

And if that don’t work, (rockets fire)

use more gun. (stops playing, listens for the rockets that were just fired to explode, “my arm!” continues playing)

Like this heavy caliber tripod-mounted little old number designed by me, (kicks dead arm),

built by me, (gunshot, “oh!”)

and you best hope (stops playing) not pointed at you. (continues playing). (Crane out)

Some mono’s collected from http://www.whysanity.net/monos/ . Others were painstakingly written up while watching the film (mainly the dialogues).